Sick Inside
by wheredoesithurt
Summary: Emma's parents are going away for the week, leaving the house all to herself and Baby Jack. It's the perfect time for... exercising? And of course, lots of Manny. MEMMA. Rated for Anorexia.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N - I'm really excited about this story, because for once, I'm really into it and especially into the character. I really hope it is recieved well by everyone. This is mainly about Emma's second bout of Anorexia (because honestly, most people don't recover the first time), and the MEMMA relationship. And I don't mean friendship. So, if you're really against that, then don't read this.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi.**

* * *

It had all come back to her with ease. All the familiar numbers and tricks, parading through her head. If she ran three miles straight, she'd most likely burn around 300 calories. However Emma couldn't, wouldn't, believe in online activity calculators. She had to be exact. That's why she only used her heart rate watch, which always told her a number that seemed too low to be true.

And according to that watch, she was only ten minutes away from burning 200 calories. Her MP3 blared music into her ears as her footsteps pounded into the concrete.

It had been so simple. After everything that had happened the past few months, it seemed as if she had gone back to being invisible. Nobody watched her anymore. Nobody made sure she ate everything on her plate. Nobody made sure where she was at, incase she was over-exercising. or even purging.

No, everything had changed.

In almost no time, those ten minutes were up. It was finally over. She had burned exactly 250 calories. She turned offf the activity part of the watch, switching it back to clock mode. She felt refreshed, even though her feet and legs ached and her breath was labored. The truth was, was that she was tired. Tired of exercising, tired of restricting. But she couldn't stop. She wouldn't stop. This time would be different, she would make sure of that.

The tiny voice in her head was happy too. "You've done so well, Emma," it said, and it was these things that made her smile. It wouldn't last long though. The voice would come back. "See? Wasn't that easy? I told you it would be. But wouldn't you feel better if you burnt 50 calories more? It'd make it an even 300, and that'd be 50 more calories you could eat later, if you wanted."

Emma wanted to obey, she really did. That voice, well, it was her. She couldn't let herself down. Looking back at her watch, she saw that it was 5:56 AM. It was like a battle in her head. Keep going, or risk being caught? A part of her was telling her it'd be okay, that she could run that 50 calories off in no time. Another part was telling her it wasn't worth it. Her parents would wake up any minute.

Finally, she turned off her watch completely, and made her way back inside. As she entered through the basement window, she heard voices from upstairs. They were awake.

Deciding that it was time to get ready for school, she quickly took a shower and got dressed. She briefly stood on the scale afterwards, but it hadn't changed from the night before. It was still pointing toward '127'. She gathered all of her things with a frown, and by the time she was done, it was almost 6:45.

Her mom sat in the kitchen feeding Jack. Emma smiled at her.

"I'm about to leave," her mom said. "But there's something I wanted to talk to you about first."

Emma's heart fluttered in her chest, and she closed her eyes. She turned to the toaster and began making toast, trying to still her racing pulse.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," her mom continued. Baby Jack cooed. "I was wondering if you could babsit Jack."

Emma sighed, feeling relieved as she spread grape jelly across her toast. "Oh, sure, of course. When?"

"Actually, all of next week."

Emma dropped the knfie, and snapped her body towards her mother, her mouth slightly open. "What?"

Her mom smiled, cleaning Baby Jack's chin with a small towel. "Snake asked me to go away for a week with him, and I said yes."

"Like a vacation?"

Her mom nodded.

"To where?"

"B.C. Nothing major, but it's kind of his way of 'rekindling our relationship'. You in?"

Emma finally finished her breakfast and wrapped it in a napkin. "What about work?"

"I've got everything covered, don't worry. Maybe you can invite Manny over for the week? I'm sure her parents won't mind."

Emma nodded and hugged her mom, before planting a kiss against her cheek. "I've got to go, alright? There's this big test today, and I really want to get there early."

"Okay, honey. I'll see you later tonight."

With that, Emma opened the door, and left. Glancing around to make sure her parents weren't watching, she pulled off the top of the garbage can and tossed her breakfast into the bag. For some reason, she felt scared. Scared of being alone for the week.

Scared of being alone with that voice in her head.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N - I decided to go ahead and update, seeing as I was in a writing mood. Also, sorry if this story isn't exactly up to par. I'm currently using this story as a test. I'm an editor at heart, and sometimes, I edit so much, that I can barely write. This story is me trying to write and not edit. Hope it came out okay.**

* * *

It was lunch when Emma finally saw Manny, who seemed to be overly busy these days. She was standing at her locker in her cheer squad uniform.

"Hey stranger, where have you been all day?"

Manny smiled as she shoved her backpack and books into her locker. "With Damien," she said. "And we do have a thing called class, you know."

Emma laughed. "Very funny. Are you ready to go then? If we get there early, we can grab the good table."

Manny turned toward her, looking apologetic. Emma frowned.

"I'm sorry, Em," she said softly. "But I promised I'd help Darcy out with some cheer stuff during lunch. You can come with if you want."

She shook her head. "No, that's okay. You guys have fun."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. I'll be fine."

Manny closed her locker. "Cool, I'll see you later then?"

Emma nodded, and before she could even remember to ask Manny over for the week, she was gone. She sighed, feeling alone. The entire hallway was practically deserted now, and Emma reluctantly made her way toward the cafeteria.

Atleast Manny won't be there to watch me, she thought.

Emma suddenly smiled, and made her way to the gym instead. It too was deserted as everyone else was at lunch, including the teachers. Perfect. Emma sat down on the bench-press, and pulled our her notebook from her bag. It was her food diary.

She pulled out the lunch she had made herself the night before, her eyes skimming each item as she silently counted the calories in her head. 70 calories for the bread and 50 calories for the turkey. 20 calories for four pickles. 20 calories for lettuce. She wrote down each item and its content. If she ate her lunch, it'd be exactly 160 calories. Not bad.

She shook her head, feeling as if that was too much just for lunch.

She placed the sandwich back in the bag, and then recounted. Now, it was only 40 calories. She could live with that. Plus, she'd eat a big dinner tonight, especially if Snake was cooking again.

When she was done eating, she placed the container and the trash back into the bag, ignoring her stomach as it protested. Then, she cleaned up the area.

Her mind was already reeling again. If she worked out for exactly 15 minutes, she definently burn off the meal and more.

--

Manny cursed, and gave a bewildered look to Emma, who had elbowed her.

"What was that for?" she said quietly, and continued taking notes. The teacher gave her a glare for talking, but didn't say anything.

"I need to talk to you."

Instead of replying, Manny pulled out a piece of paper and pen, and handed it to her friend. Emma wrote, and then passed it back.

_My parents are leaving next week, _it read.

"What?" Manny said out loud.

The teacher hushed them, and both girls apologized. Manny took the pen from Emma's hand.

_Why? For how long?_

_An entire week! Mom said something about 'rekindling' her and Snake's relationship. I was wondering if you wanted to stay a few nights, _she wrote.

Manny looked excited.

_Party time?_

Emma glared at her as she wrote.

_No more parties. Ever. Okay?_

_Fine, I'm sorry. I'll ask my parents when I get home tonight. _

With that, Manny turned her attention back to the teacher. Emma wanted to apologize, but she wasn't sure why. It wasn't her fault that she was bitter. It wasn't her fault that she didn't want to risk what happened to J.T ever again. Plus, it didn't matter, she thought. She'd make it up by ordering pizza and having a movie night for the girls later.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N - Thanks so much for all the reviews! They really mean a lot. ;) I'm glad you guys like it. It's kind of slow moving right now, but it'll definently pick the drama soon. **

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Emma looked up at her parents, who were talking excitedly over the dinner table. She had pushed her food around her plate long enough. She took a small bite, and then another. She wondered how little she could eat without them noticing.

"Did you talk to Manny?"

Her mom's question pulled her out of her thoughts. She piled food onto her fork and shoved it in her mouth, hoping that it would put on a good show.

"Yeah, but she still has to ask her parents or something. She said she'd call tonight."

That was a lie. Manny had said she'd call Friday night. Emma had waited too. She figured she was probably out with Darcy and Damien and everyone else. It was like they were in two different worlds for the past few months. It was all her fault though. With all this stuff in her head, she didn't really have a choice in distancing herself from everyone.

Snake gave a worried look. "Are you sure you're going to be okay here by yourself?"

"She'll be fine. Right, honey?" Spike smiled, taking a sip from her glass.

"Of course. Plus, I'll have Jack here to keep me company."

Hearing his name, Jack clapped his hands and giggled. Emma leaned over, grinning, and kissed his cheek with a loud smack.

"Well, we've got a lot of packing to do," Snake said as he crumbled his napkin into a ball and placed it on his plate. Stretching back in his chair, he finally looked down at Emma's plate. 'Is that all you're going to eat, Emma? Are you feeling alright?"

Spike felt her head on impulse, concerned. Emma pulled away. "Yeah, I feel great. Don't worry. You guys go pack. I'll clean up."

They stared at her, and so she took another huge bite. Obviously satisfied, they both stood from the table. Spike picked up Jack from his high chair, and kissed Emma on the forehead. "Don't stay up too late tonight, and make sure to finish your homework. I'll wake you up early tomorrow so we can say goodbye before you go to school."

When they left, Emma quickly did the dishes and made her way to her room. She closed the bathroom door behind her, locking it, and waited for a moment. She could hear their voices upstairs. She turned on the shower to shield the noise and tied her hair back into a ponytail.

Lifting up the toilet seat, she stuck two fingers down her throat and _pushed._

--

Emma flushed the toilet, and turned off the shower. She leaned over the sink, washing out her mouth. She felt horrible. Her head was spinning. She felt sick, even though she was sure there was nothing left in her stomach to actually get sick off of.

Dizzily, she made her way toward her bed and lay down. Just at that moment, the phone rang. Manny. She answered.

"Hey."

"My parents said yes!" An excited voice came from the receiver.

Emma sat up, putting a hand to her head, trying to focus. "That's great! We can have a pizza party or something tomorrow night." She smiled.

There was silence for a moment. "I'm sorry for getting upset with you on Friday. I know how you feel about parties."

Emma shrugged. "It's fine."

"No, it wasn't. But I'm going to make it up to you. Pizza's on me."

Emma laughed. "Alright, if you want to."

"Cool, so I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Emma said contently.

"Okay. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Manny."

Emma hung up the phone, and fell back into her bed with a sigh. Despite the fact that the thought of pizza was weighing heavily on her mind, she felt happy.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N - Well, this is my longest chapter yet, and also my worst. I hated it. The urge inside of me to pick it apart is great, but I promised I wouldn't. I can do this! Maybe. I do wish I would have put some Emma involvement with the other characters.**

* * *

There was a knock on the door just as Emma finally settled Jack into bed. She kissed him softly, glad that he was going to be asleep for the party, and answered the door.

Manny stood there grinning, a few pizza boxes in her arms.

"Here, let me help," Emma said. She reached over and grabbed two. Manny laughed. "You guys go ahead and come in."

"Cool, I call couch," Darcy said, giggling.

With Manny in the room, Emma finally saw the company Manny had brought with her. Darcy was there, of course, along with Damien and a few other people she didn't really know. And then she saw Darcy's arm candy.

Peter.

She was okay with Darcy going out with him now, but to bring him over to her house? She didn't know why she was upset really. Him being here brought back memories though, memories she'd rather forget. Like the whole parental intervention that took place in her living room. She almost felt nervous. What if he saw right through her?

Shaking her head, she planted a fake smile on her face. Manny walked ahead of her, so she followed. They both sat the boxes down on the counter, and Emma grabbed a stack of paper plates and napkins for the others.

"Do you think this'll cover everyone?"

Emma smiled, before opening the fridge and pulling out the salad bowl. "Yeah, it should be. Oh, I rented a few movies before you came over. It'll be like a scary movie marathon or something."

"Ooh, awesome," Manny said as she piled her plate with pizza. She glanced up at her friend. "You're going to eat some pizza, right?"

Turning away, Emma began making a salad. "I don't know. I think I'll just have a salad. It's a lot healthier."

"I thought you were doing better, Emma," Manny said, suddenly serious.

Emma stopped what she was doing. Her throat tightened as she tried to force back tears. Manny couldn't know. She had promised herself nobody would, not this time.

"I am. I just still have trouble with," she glanced down at the pizza with a grimace, "stuff like this. It makes me sick to my stomach."

Manny smiled. "Well, do you think you can handle one piece? Because I got your favourite."

"Sure," Emma said reluctantly. "I'll try."

Emma suddenly found herself pulled into a hug. For some reason, she smiled, feeling comfortable. Manny was usually always there for her.

"Manny, I've missed you."

She wasn't sure why she said it, but she didn't think she could keep it in anymore.

Manny laughed. "I see you everyday, Em."

Emma pulled away. "Yeah, but we haven't hung out like we used to. You know?"

"I know, but that'll change. Face it, Nelson, you're stuck with me."

--

Emma flushed the toilet and wiped her mouth. Everyone else had gone home, except for Darcy and Peter, who were still with Manny watching movies. She was thankful that nobody noticed anything at all. In fact, they still seemed oblivious. For some reason, a pang of sadness ran through her at the thought.

She stood on the scale for the fifth time that day. The red numbers read '126', and she felt disappointed. She still hadn't lost anything in two days.

Sighing, she went back into her room, and started on her homework. She couldn't concentrate though. Her grades were slipping, she was sure. If she didn't keep up, her teachers would call home, and then she'd be in deep. How could she explain why she was doing so poorly? She couldn't.

It wasn't long before Manny came into the room dressed in her pajamas.

"Darcy and Peter just left."

Emma nodded, but continued writing.

"What are you working on?"

Manny sat down on the bed next to her. Too close for comfort, Emma thought. She tried to stare at her homework, instead of looking at the girl next to her. Emma cleared her throat.

"Math. Did you finish yours?"

Manny laughed. "Of course not. I'll do it tomorrow during class."

"I'm going to fail."

Emma sighed, and yawned. Manny cleared off her bed for her.

"You're not going to fail, Em. You always say that, and guess what? You always do well. Me on the other hand..." she said, trailing off.

Emma rolled her eyes. "You've been getting straight A's."

"Okay, for once, bad example."

The girls laughed. Pulling back the covers, Emma got into bed. Manny turned off the light and slid in next to Emma.

"Goodnight."

"Night, Manny," she said softly.

It only took twenty minutes for Manny to fall asleep, her arm slung over Emma's waist. As much as Emma wanted to stay there and let sleep take over, she quietly slipped out of bed, making sure not to wake up Manny.

She thought about finishing her homework for a moment, but she couldn't. She knew what she had to do. It'd take an hour to run off what she had eaten that day.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N - Wow, I'm actually suprised you guys like this! I think my experiment is going pretty well. I'm not absolutely hating my writing, and I honestly haven't been editing or over-thinking it that much. ;) Thanks so much for all the nice reviews.**

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Her legs were almost burning now as she continued to run. The pain was becoming unbearable. Emma forced herself to keep going though. _Only ten more minutes_, she told herself, trying to catch a breath. Everything was burning now. Her side ached. Her feet were becoming numb.

She finally stopped, bending over to lessen the pain. She couldn't stop now, not when she had been doing so well. Turning on her MP3 player on its loudest setting, she sprinted the entire way back to her house. When she got there, she sat down on the steps, knowing the fact that you should never sit down after running, until she calmed herself.

She didn't even want to take a shower now. All she could think about was sneaking back into her room, and sliding into bed next to her friend, where it was actually warm and comfortable.

She opened the door quietly, and was instantly met with Baby Jack's cries. Manny came into the room, holding him, her hair mussed.

"Where have you been?"

Emma's heart skipped. "I went for a walk."

"For an hour?" Manny asked, almost sarcastically.

"Actually, yeah. I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd take a walk to clear my head," she said.

Emma walked over to where she was standing, and took Jack into her arms, trying to calm him down. Making her way into the kitchen with Manny following behind, she grabbed him a juice box. He took it in his hands and drank.

"At two in the morning?" She continued.

"Is that so weird?"

Manny sighed. "Yeah, it is."

"Well, I don't know what to tell you. There's been a lot on my mind lately, and I just wanted some thinking time, okay? It was better than just sitting here, trying to force myself to sleep," Emma said, trying to sound as sincere as possible.

Manny sat down in one of the chairs at the table, putting her head in her hands. "Jack woke me up," she said, as if she had accepted Emma's excuse. "I couldn't get him to stop crying."

"I'm sorry. I think he misses my mom and Snake. He seems fine now."

"You're good with kids," Manny said, smiling.

Jack finished his juice, his eyes dropping.

"Looks like someone's sleepy," Emma said. She put the juice box in the trash, and put him to bed. When she came back into the kitchen, Manny was gone. She looked in her room, where she was laying on her bed.

"Something wrong?"

Manny shook her head. "No, just wondering what's been on your mind lately."

Emma sighed, and sat down next to her. "Honestly, I've been thinking about you."

Manny raised an eyebrow.

"I mean, thinking about how we used to be, when we would hang out with our old group. What happened? When did we all change?"

Manny put her hand over Emma's. "It's called life, babe. And we're all still around, just doing our own thing," she said softly. "But it'd be cool to go back in time for awhile."

"Yeah," Emma said. "And J.T would still be here."

Manny rested her head against Emma's shoulder, her hand making circles across her palm in comfort.

--

Emma nodded off, her elbow sliding across her desk as the teacher droned on. Liberty shushed her when she finally dropped and jerked awake.

Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she tried to pay attention and actually take notes. She was starting to feel faint again. It wasn't like the dizzy kind of feeling, but more of a lightheadedness. She wanted to sleep more than anything. Her stomach was growling still, even though she chugged three glasses of water before class. In fact, it was starting to hurt.

She didn't know what to do. She didn't feel like dealing with any of it anymore.

"Miss Nelson?"

Emma snapped her head up to look at the teacher. "Um, yeah?"

The teacher actually looked concerned, which was definitely a change from last time.

"Are you alright?"

Emma went to nod, but then stopped. "Actually, I'm not feeling very well. May I be excused?"

The teacher nodded, and she picked up her things and walked toward the front of the class. The teacher wrote on a piece of paper for a moment, and then handed it toward her. "Here's a nurse pass."

She thought about not going to see the nurse at all, and just hiding out until next period. Somehow though, her feet led her toward the office anyway. The nurse greeted her with a small smile.

"Um, I'm not feeling too well," she said awkwardly.

"Alright, come in," the nurse said, and began taking her vitals. "You don't have a temperature."

Emma frowned.

"But," the nurse continued. "Your blood pressure's a little low. Why don't you go home and get some rest? You can come back tomorrow if you feel up to it."

Emma nodded, and after getting a release from school note, she made her way back home. She set her alarm for five in the afternoon, so she would wake up in time to pick up Jack from daycare, and fell asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N - Well, not much action, but that's coming. This would probably be my 'Fluff Interlude.' Honestly, this story is basically just writing itself, so who knows where's it going (well, I have an idea and I know where it will end). I barely edited this chapter at all, except for grammer and spelling mistakes of course. So, I think I'm doing great on my challenge. Don't you think so? ;) Thanks for all the reviews. They mean the world to me.**

* * *

The soft melody of Emma's cell phone finally awoke her. She flipped it open to see that it was her mom calling and pressed ignore. The screen went blank for a moment, and then flashed. Three missed calls, all from Manny.

She sat up this time, noticing that it was dark outside. She heard a few noises coming from the kitchen before Manny appeared.

"Oh, you're awake."

Emma nodded, still feeling sleepy. "What time is it?"

"Almost nine."

She suddenly stood. How could she have forgotten? How did she sleep through her alarm? She felt panicked.

"PM?"

She frantically searched for her jacket and shoes. Manny laughed.

"Emma, stop," she said, grinning. "Jack's here."

Emma stopped what she was doing, and stared. "Oh," she said dumbly. She felt back onto the couch with a sigh. "How did you get him?"

Manny sat down next to her.

"I called your mom and she called the daycare office so I would be allowed to sign him out."

Emma nodded. "Thanks, but why didn't you just wake me up?"

"I thought I'd take care of it, since you're sick. You are sick, right? The nurse called your mom, and you left early. I just assumed," she said.

"Yeah, I think I've got a cold coming on or something," Emma said, lying.

Manny then pushed Emma back down onto the couch playfully. Emma's heart raced.

"So, since your mom's not here, that means I've got to be Nurse Manny for the day and tomorrow. She also said for you not to go back to school until you're feeling better, so, out of the goodness of my heart, I'm staying home to take care of you."

Emma rolled her eyes. "Oh, what ever will I do to repay you?" she said sarcastically.

"Cover for me? If my dad knew, he'd kill me for skipping." She batted her eyes at Emma, pouting.

"Fine, but we're not watching 'A Walk to Remember'. This is a day of relaxing, got it?"

Manny laughed, smiling. "Deal. I'll go get the popcorn."

--

Emma awoke again a few hours later. The movie they had been watching earlier was still playing. They must have fallen asleep.

She looked next to her to see Manny still sleeping, her legs tangled with hers. She smiled. Trying to untangle herself without Manny waking, she got up from the couch. It was cold without all the covers. She shivered as she made her way to the kitchen.

Sitting down at the table, she couldn't decide on whether she would eat or not. She hadn't eaten all day, which was good, but there was still doubt in her mind, telling her to at least eat something. She was getting worried. She hated this war, this struggle between eating or not eating.

Sighing, she stood and made herself an entire glass of water. She chugged it within seconds, hoping that it'd make the hunger pains go away. Checking to see if Manny was still asleep (and she was), she went to her room.

She wanted to at least get in 1000 crunches before she went back to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N - I'm not sure why, but this has become my favourite chapters of this story so far. I really loved writing it, so I definetly hope you like reading it. Thanks again for all the lovely reviews. ;) I'd like to think that this is where the drama really starts, and next chapter, there will be some Manny/Emma action (finally, eh?). It won't be quick though. I'm hoping that the relationship will come out kinda slow. I don't want this to be another story where they wake up one day and find that they have feelings for each other. I want it to just happen. ;)**

* * *

"So, as my first official duty as Nurse Manny," Emma laughed at the name, "I am making lunch. What would you like?"

Emma inwardly cringed. She didn't know how she could get out of this one, unless she feigned a stomach ache. No, she thought, shaking her head. She couldn't do that one, not now. Not after she had been laughing and smiling and acting happy. Manny'd just get suspicious.

Manny was already looking through the kitchen pantry. She peeked her head back out, her face practically glowing. "Chicken Noodle?"

Emma opened her mouth, but Manny continued. "it's the perfect sick food. This is what Mom makes me when I have the flu," she said, smiling. "What do you think?"

Sighing, she nodded her head and clenched her jaw. "Sure."

"Awesome!" Manny opened the can and poured it into a small cooking pot. "This is so much fun, isn't it?"

As Manny continued to talk, Emma's mind was reeling. She'd just eat the broth, she decided. The calories were in the noodles anyway. If she did that, it'd probably only come out to about 30-40 calories. She wasn't sure though. She'd put 50 calories down in her food diary just incase.

Suddenly, a steaming bowl was set in front of her.

"Are you okay?"

Manny looked down at her, a concerned expression on her face.

"Feeling kind of lousy actually." Manny sat down in her seat, still staring at Emma. Emma could almost see the thoughts swirling in her head. "Don't worry, this bug or whatever will probably be gone by tomorrow and all thanks to Nurse Manny," she said teasingly.

"Yeah," Manny nodded, giving her a small smile. "Well, after you eat that you should probably take a nap. Mom always says that rest and fluids are the best thing for you when you're sick."

--

Emma sat up from where she had been sleeping on the couch, her covers twisted around her ankles and covered in sweat. She was shaking. Her stomach was growling. In fact, she was feeling nauseous.

Frowning, she made her way to the kitchen. She didn't understand it. Most days she could get away with not eating and feel fine, but she had eaten today and now her stomach was hurting.

She found the first food item that she saw, which happened to be a bag of chips. She ripped open the bag and shoved a few in her mouth. Before she could even swallow, she was already in the kitchen looking for more food. She grabbed a box of crackers and box of cereal. She opened those, setting the chips down briefly to swallow as much of the cereal as she could.

She felt instant relief. The tastes and smells of the foods she hadn't allowed herself to eat for months were finally flooding her system. Her senses were on overload.

She was halfway through the crackers when she realized what she had been doing. She quickly snatched up all the trash, thanking whatever God was out there that Manny hadn't walked in, and threw it all away. Taking a bunch of paper towels off the roll, she wet a few and lined them over the trash, incase Manny happened to look.

In seconds she was locking the bathroom door behind her and purging into the toilet. She was pathetic, she knew it. The voice in her head was angry and upset. How could she have done this to herself? All that hard work? It was all down the drain in what Emma liked to call 'a few minutes of gluttony'. This wasn't like her. She was losing control.

The food that she had eaten earlier came out of her quickly, sometimes still intact. It was obvious she barely even chewed any of it. It wasn't long before nothing but acid was pouring from her mouth.

She felt absolutely sick. She was shaking, this time from her body convulsing into the toilet. She was sure that the food was out of her system, but doubt still lingered. How could she be sure? Pushing her fingers in further, she tried to get more out of her system. Acid came from her mouth as she gagged. The mixture was red this time.

Blood.

Emma felt herself panicking. She flushed the toilet immediately, scared. She had never done that before. Standing, the dizziness hit her full force. She wanted to disappear. She had lost all control, which was the total opposite of what she had wanted.

The light dimmed around the edges of her eyes as she began feeling lightheaded. She knew what was coming and she welcomed it. Not sure if it was from the purging or the fact that she was scared out of her mind, the darkness surrounded her and she passed out cold onto the floor just as the door opened.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N - Not sure what to think about this. Eh. It's longer though than most of the chapters. This is basically the result of me writing while in kind of a dark mood. This story is kinda going in a weird direction, I think, than what I first intended. Next chapter will probably bring it back on track. **

* * *

"Yeah, don't worry, I'll take care of her," Manny's voice drifted through the air. Emma opened her eyes to see that Manny was on the other side of her bedroom sitting cross-legged on the washing machine with a cell phone to her ear.

"It might be the flu, but I'm not sure. She said she was feeling really sick that morning."

Emma wondered who she was talking to. Were they talking about her? She shook her head. Of course they were. It was then that she realized that Manny must have found her in the bathroom on the floor. She frowned. Manny must have moved her to her bed and changed her into some bed clothes. Emma blushed.

"Alright, I can do that. We'll just take the bus." Pause. "Okay, bye."

Manny hung up the phone and turned. Her eyes widened slightly, but then she made her way over to the bed.

"Who were you talking to?" Emma frowned again. Her throat felt oddly raw and itchy. She swallowed, trying to make the pain go away.

"Your mom."

"Oh?" Emma played with the ends of her blanket nervously. "What about?"

Manny sat down next to her, her hand falling over Emma's. "Last night. I called her right afterwards, but she called me again this morning to see how you were doing." She paused for a second. Emma could feel her staring at her, looking her over. "Do you remember what happened?"

"Uh, my stomach just started hurting," she lied. "I threw up a couple of times, and then I felt really dizzy."

Manny nodded, clutching Emma's hand tightly. "I walked in just as you passed out. It was really freaky."

"I'm sorry," Emma said softly.

"It's fine." She cleared her throat. "Your mom made you a doctor's appointment for tomorrow. I'm kind of surprised they got you in on such short notice."

She felt guilty then, for scaring her friend and for lying to her. "Manny, I-"

"Yeah?"

Manny stared at her, waiting.

"I think I want to go back to sleep now," she said blankly. She cursed herself mentally. Why couldn't she just tell her?

Manny nodded as Emma laid back down, pulling the covers up to her chin. "Are you going to stay with me?"

"If you want."

She scooted over, making room for her friend. Manny took the hint and laid down next to her, wrapping her arm over her friend as Emma's eyes closed.

"Manny, I'm really sorry."

"It's okay," Manny said, her voice barely a whisper. She forced back tears, trying not to worry so much. Emma was fine.

--

"Miss Nelson?"

Emma let go of Manny's hand as she stood up, pulling her purse over her shoulder.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Manny asked, looking up at her from where she was sitting in the waiting room.

"No, it's okay. I'll only take ten minutes, I'm sure." Emma forced herself to smile as she followed the nurse out of the waiting room.

"We'll have to get your weight first. Take off your shoes, please."

Emma took off her shoes and placed them down next to the scale. She took in a deep breath and stepped on it. The nurse fiddled with the scale for a second.

"Alright, 122 pounds. You can put your shoes back on now."

She was surprised. It was probably water weight. Or maybe her scale was wrong. Either way, she couldn't believe it.

The nurse wrote the number down on her charts before leading Emma off into another room. She flipped through a magazine for a few minutes until the doctor came.

"So, what are you in for today?" he asked as he took her blood pressure.

"I think I have the flu or something. Sore throat, upset stomach, achy," Emma lied, looking down at her shoes. She felt oddly nervous.

"Okay, open your mouth and we'll take a look."

She opened her mouth wide, and he shined a bright light into her throat. "Alright, that's good," he said before typing something into his computer. "Well, nothing looks too abnormal. Your weight's a little low."

Emma cleared her throat. "Is it?"

"You were 132 pounds the last time I saw you. Anything stressing you out?"

"School, I guess. My mom and my step-dad just left for a week on vacation, so I've been trying to take care of my brother. And now I'm sick," she said.

He nodded his head as he continued to type on his computer. "Well, we'll have to bring that up. Your throat's very red and inflamed to put it simply and your blood pressure is low. Looks like the cold to me. It's definitely the season for it."

"So, what do I do?"

She felt relieved. How in the world had she tricked her own doctor?

He turned toward her, smiling. "Lots of bed rest and fluids. I'll prescribe you something for your sore throat and the congestion. How does that sound?"

"Great," she said. "Thanks."

"Alright, you take this." He handed her a prescription. "And I'll see you soon."

--

"So, it's just a cold?" Manny asked when they arrived home. She opened the fridge and began pulling out a few items. "That's great news, Em."

Emma sat down at the table as Manny made herself a sandwich. "Yeah, I guess it is."

"Well, are you hungry? Do you want a sandwich?"

"No, my stomach's still hurting. I think I'll just lie down or something," she said softly.

Manny looked almost disappointed. "Okay."

"Manny, I really am sorry I'm putting you through all this. I know it's just a cold, but I'm glad you're staying home with me."

She felt horrible. It was insane how great of a liar she had become. She was already starting to feel dizzy again. She hated to admit it, but she was about ready to give up, and that scared her. She was just so tired though. She didn't know how much longer she could keep doing this to herself, to everyone. What would Manny say if she found out? What would she think of her? She'd probably stop talking to her, or hate her for doing this again.

Manny smiled, putting her arms around Emma. "It's not a problem, babe. I'm just glad you're okay. You really scared me last night," she said, her eyes shining.

Tears welled at the corner of Emma's eyes. "I'm so sorry," she repeated, choking on her own words as she cried.

"Emma, it's fine, honestly. Why are you crying?"

"I'm just so sorry, Manny." She pressed her face against Manny's shoulder, finding comfort by just being so close to her. She cared for Manny. So, why was she doing this to her?


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N - I don't really like this chapter. I felt like it was too forced. However, as I was writing this note, an idea kind of sprung to my mind. We'll see how that goes. I also feel like Emma's going in a weird direction. It seems she wants attention from everyone, especially Manny, which is to be expected, but I hated how she came off in this chapter. Don't worry though. By the end of this chapter, she'll be having second thoughts about her actions.**

* * *

Emma waited until Manny had fallen asleep for the night before signing onto the internet. She quickly pulled up a search engine and looked up 'scales'. She still didn't understand what had happened at the doctor's office. Her scale was saying 124 pounds. She had even weighed herself many times that night just to be sure.

The search engine took her to a lot of websites called "Pro-Ana", where she found herself suddenly immersed in reading through all the messages. They talked a lot about water weight and how every scale was different. It also had information on purging. Her throat went dry. It said that many people with bulimia gained weight. How was that possible?

She vowed then and there to stop purging, unless of course she had no other choice.

She turned off the internet reluctantly, feeling sleepy for the first time that night. She had been sleeping so much too, so she found it odd. She flipped off the light and climbed into bed next to Manny, who didn't even move. It was warm under the covers from Manny's body heat, and Emma moved in closer.

She looked at Manny. Her dark eyelashes fell softly against her cheeks. It was one of the things Emma admired about her. The girl didn't even need mascara to have perfect lashes, though that didn't stop her from using it.

She sighed. She felt like she was betraying her by doing this. It should be easy, right? Manny or losing weight? But why was that choice so hard? It shouldn't be hard.

Grabbing Manny's hand in hers, she cried softly. She was a horrible person, she knew. A waste of space really. She didn't even deserve someone like Manny. That had probably been why before this week, she had barely seen her at all. She was always so busy with everyone else, like Damien. Emma stopped, telling herself to end this pity party she had going for herself.

Manny moved in her sleep, and Emma's breath caught in her throat.

"What's wrong?"

Emma could have laughed then, but kept it in. "I can't sleep."

Manny yawned, shifting under the covers. She pressed herself closer to her, her hand playing circles against Emma's. "Does this help?"

Emma grinned, almost shaking her head. "It might."

"Okay," Manny said, and in seconds, her breathing was deep again. Emma closed her eyes, trying to focus on sleeping instead of everything else. She thought about Manny, and about vowing silently that she would try not to do anything else to hurt her, before falling asleep.

--

By the next day, Emma was feeling better. She pulled her bag around her shoulder, her arms loaded with papers and homework that she had missed while she was gone. It was five minutes after the lunch bell had rung. Where was Manny? She hadn't seen the girl since that morning, when she had gone home to get dressed for school. Emma tapped her foot on the floor, looking around the hallway. It was empty.

Manny had probably forgotten. Feeling dejected, she made her way into the cafeteria and found an empty table to sit at. She didn't bother with getting lunch. She knew she'd probably just throw it away anyway. She took out her homework instead, trying to finish it quickly.

Lunch was almost over by the time she had finished. She glanced upwards, noticing the table she used to sit at was busy with chatter. Darcy and Peter were there of course, among others. Damien was there too. They all seemed so happy as they laughed.

Emma fought the urge to sigh. She felt depressed. Would things ever get better? She had thought once that they could, after her first therapy session. It was then when Manny had been there for her the most, been with her almost every day. She missed that. She missed having Manny around. Where was she anyway?

She clenched her fists. Shoving all her papers into her bag, she made her way towards the nurse's office. She'd fake sick again today.

--

"Hey, where were you today?"

Emma lounged on the couch as Baby Jack watched some kids show in front of her. Pressing the phone closer to her ear, she glared.

"I went home sick," she said plainly.

"You're feeling sick again?"

Emma fought the urge to throttle something. "Yeah, but you wouldn't know since you missed lunch," Emma said, her voice laced with jealousy and anger. She hadn't meant it to come out that way exactly.

"I didn't miss-"

There was silence on the other end of the phone for a minute.

"I'm so sorry, Em. I completely forgot."

Emma rolled her eyes. "How could you just forget?"

She could almost see Manny narrow her eyes. "I just did, okay? I'm not use to meeting up with you for lunch anymore. It slipped my mind."

"Well, thank you. I feel extremely loved right now," she said bitterly.

"Oh, please," Manny's voice came forcefully. "I messed up. I already apologized. What more do you want from me? I'm sorry, okay?"

"Don't bother coming over today."

"But Em-"

Before she could continue, Emma hung up the phone, looking over at Jack through teary eyes. She picked him up gently as he struggled. "You wouldn't forget about me would you, Jack?"

Jack whined, trying to continue watching his show. Sighing, Emma placed him back down on the floor, her eyes still watery. She didn't know what was wrong with her. Why was she so upset that Manny had forgotten something so not that important? Emma wiped away at her eyes.

It was important though, Emma thought. It was important to her at least.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N - So, not very fond of this chapter also, except for the very last 'scene'. I've been feeling kind of stuck lately on this story, even though I have a bunch of ideas. I guess I just have a probably coming up with ways to get from one idea to the next sometimes. Next chapter is already planned out though, so that one should be easier to write.**

* * *

A knock sounded at the door minutes later, and Emma sighed angrily. Opening up the door, she glared as Manny walked into the room, dressed in sweatpants and a tank top. It looked as if she had been about to go to sleep.

"Em-"

"Save it," Emma said shortly.

Manny looked hurt. "What's wrong with you?"

Emma crossed her arms over the chest, trying to hold back tears. She wouldn't cry. Not now. "I'm pissed off, Manny. You've been doing this for weeks. You always blow me off, and I'm tired of it."

"In case you didn't realize," Manny said bitterly. "I've been hanging out with you for four days straight, and I haven't blown you off."

"Damien? Darcy? You've been doing it for awhile now."

They both stared at each other for a moment, glaring.

"I didn't mean to blow you off," Manny said, her jaw clenched.

Emma raised an eyebrow. "Then why didn't you meet up with me today?"

"I just did, alright?" Manny threw her hands up in the air. "I needed time to myself, to think."

"Think about what?"

Manny's eyes narrowed. "Just things."

"See?" Emma said, her voice raw. She sighed. "This is pointless. Just.. leave, please."

Emma opened the door for her, and without a word, Manny left, looking reluctant.

--

Emma's eyes fluttered as she continued to run. Her footsteps were pounding into the cement again, a feeling she had fallen in love with. The sound meant she was in control, that she doing something good for herself. It meant that she could forget about all the petty arguments or fights she had been in, because those didn't matter anymore. Losing weight was the only thing that mattered.

It also helped the feelings inside of her. The ones that made her feel ashamed and guilty for even fighting with Manny. The ones that told her that she was being overly jealous, and Manny knew it, too.

Her therapist once told her that her eating disorder wasn't the problem. It was just a symptom. It was the result of loss of control, the loss of being able to cope.

She hated the thought that Manny was fueling her over-exercise right now, that she was fueling her disorder. It made her sick. But it helped, it did. Manny didn't matter anymore, as long as she continued to run and continued to burn calories. She knew that if she fasted for the entire day, and exercised until she nearly passed out, she could forget.

But Manny did matter, and Emma wasn't sure exactly why she mattered so much.

--

Emma put her head down on the desk, the teacher's voice washing over her and luring her into a light sleep. She could feel Manny next to her, their elbows almost touching. She could feel every single movement she made.

It was hard to ignore someone that was assigned to sit right next to you in class.

Manny nudged her again, but Emma feigned sleep.

"I know you're awake," Manny whispered.

Emma still didn't reply.

"Fine," Manny snapped. "Ignore me, whatever. I don't care, But I just want you to know that I'm not going to apologize anymore. It's your fault we're fighting anyway."

Emma shrugged.

"You're selfish, you know that? And stubborn. I'm not going to try to make this work anymore. It's your turn. I'm always the one apologizing, even when it's your fault. So, if you still want to be my friend, you better tell me," she said. "And make it up to me for ignoring me all day."

"Manny!"

Emma felt Manny shift beside her as the teacher berated her, and sat up completely, hoping the teacher wouldn't call on her next.

"Pay attention, please."

Manny nodded, and the teacher began talking again. She crossed her arms, narrowing her eyes.

"You're an ass, Emma Nelson."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N - Man, this has been so long overdue. I am happy to tell you though, I am cured of my writer's block. I'm really looking forward to writing the rest of this story, and I hope you like this chapter.**

* * *

Emma sat on the park swing, letting her feet rake back and forth across the ground, her eyes lowered. The swing next to hers rattled for a moment.

"So, I got your text," Manny's voice came softly.

Her eyes still lowered, Emma gave a small laugh. "This is stupid," she said, shaking her head.

She could practically feel Manny's eyes as they focused on her.

"What is?"

"This. What are we even fighting about?" Emma said, finally looking her in the eyes. Manny's hair was dressed in a pair of pajamas, her hair pulled back into a bun.

Manny shrugged, holding onto the swing as she drifted back and forth. "You tell me."

Emma bit her lip. She wasn't quite sure what to say. Why had she been doing this? Her head was spinning. "Fine, I'm sorry," she said honestly. "I way overreacted."

Manny nodded, then gave her a teasing smile. "You figured that one on your own, Nelson?" She laughed. "I'm sorry, too, I guess. I suppose it was slightly my fault anyway."

"I was really jealous."

Manny turned to look at her, confused. "Why?"

"I don't know." Emma shrugged, feeling that ache in her chest, the feelings she tried so hard to smother. Anger, sadness, failure, _jealousy_. Everything. "I just... was. I can't explain it. I don't know why, but I hated it, you know?"

"I _was_ spending a lot of time with everyone else," Manny said.

Emma shook her head at her, smiling. "So? You shouldn't have to pick, Manny. You don't have to spend all your time with me." _Even if I want you to_, she thought bitterly.

"True," she agreed. "But I do want to spend time with you. It just gets so confusing. I don't know how to deal sometimes."

Emma raised an eyebrow.

"Like, with everyone else, everything is so simple," Manny tried to explain. "But with us, it's different. It's complicated, and I can't understand why."

"Me either."

"We have time to figure it out though," she said. "Right?"

Emma gave a small smile. "Of course."

* * *

It was at school the next day when Emma began to second guess her apology. Manny walked up to her, practically glowing. 

"Are you eating lunch with me today?"

Emma smiled. "Is than an invitation?"

That's when it hit her. She'd have to _eat lunch_ with her. Suddenly she felt like crying. She was going to have to pick again. Manny or her eating disorder? It made her sick inside. She couldn't stand not being around Manny anymore. She didn't understand it, but Manny was her best friend.

She _couldn't _gain weight though.

Manny didn't reply. She just looped her arm through Emma's and made her way to the cafeteria.

"So, you'll never believe what happened during cheer practice today..."

As Manny continued to talk, Emma zoned out, her mind focused on one thing. She needed excuses, she needed an escape. Did she want to escape this?

"Are you listening?"

Emma turned toward her, and forced a smile.

"Yeah, sorry, what did you say?"

Manny laughed, taking a seat at the table next to Darcy. Darcy gave a small hello toward Emma, who returned it half-heartedly. Sitting down, she took out her lunch bag and slowly ate her sandwich and yogurt as the others got lost in the conversation.

"Is it okay if I come by today?" Manny asked her.

"Sure, if you want to."

Manny grinned. "Cool, because I do."

When Emma finished, she stood up, balling her bag in her fist. "I've got to go to class, guys. I'll see you later, Manny?"

Manny raised an eyebrow. It wasn't a surprise to Emma when only a few people said bye to her. Emma smiled quickly, then practically ran to the bathroom, throwing her bag away as she went.

It didn't take long to get rid of what she had eaten. Flushing the toilet, she sat back down on the floor, leaning the back of her head against the bathroom stall wall. She ripped off a piece of toilet paper, wiping both her eyes and mouth.

She took a deep breath, trying to still her racing heart.

If this was supposed to make her happy, bring her control, then why was she so upset?


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: **There's this state you kind of go into when writing, when you really get into the character's mind and the story flows and your brain is working ten times faster than your fingers ever will. For some reason, this state of being is hard to obtain (for me anyway). But I think I reached it by the end of this story. It reminded me why I write in the first place. Expect updates more regularly now. ;)

* * *

She stared into the mirror, turned to her side and her shirt pulled up around her breasts. Her hand pressed against her stomach, pushing it in then letting it sink back out.

Fat.

She could see it everywhere and it drove her insane. Was this how other people saw her? She pinched the area around her hips.

She'd lost exactly five pounds while her parents were gone, which should have made her proud. But it didn't. She couldn't tell any difference in her body. She was still the same old predictable, average, _fat_, out of control Emma she'd always been. And she was tired of it.

Sighing, she pulled her shirt back down, feeling extremely weak and pathetic. She turned away from the mirror and grabbed her food diary out of her dresser drawer. This was the last time she was going to hurt anyone else besides herself.

--

It was thirty minutes later when Manny came down the stairs, all dressed up and smiling.

"Okay, hey, I thought we could go out tonight."

Emma gave her a surprised look, but didn't move.

"Like to dinner," she continued. "And then the park or something... or we could come back here, since it's our last night home alone. What do you think?"

That's right, she thought. Her parents were coming home tomorrow. She wasn't sure if she was looking forward to it or not.

"Actually," Emma said, patting the spot next to her on the bed. "Can we talk first?"

Manny pressed her lips together, looking at her curiously, but sat down anyway.

"Okay, um, I don't really know where to start," she said nervously. "But you're a really good friend, Manny."

Manny laughed. "Okay, cool, you're a good friend, too. Let's go," she said as she stood.

"No, I'm not."

Manny's smile faded.

"I'm a horrible friend. I've always been a horrible friend to you," she said, feeling disgusted with herself.

"You're not horrible, Em. You're far from horrible." Manny said, her voice soft. "Where is this coming from?"

"Nowhere. I just- I'm tired of lying to you."

Manny looked cross for a moment. "You've been lying to me? About what?"

Emma shrugged, her eyes glassy. "Everything."

"Like what?"

Manny looked irritated now. Emma stood from the bed and handed her the journal almost reluctantly. "Just, read this, okay?"

Manny stared at her for a second, then leafed through the pages as Emma waited. "Your food diary?" she asked quickly and Emma nodded.

She sat down on the bed, still reading. Emma followed.

"You haven't been eating?"

Emma shook her head and felt the welling of tears, the familiar pressure against the back of her eyes and throat begin. She swallowed it down, trying to keep herself calm. This was no big deal.

"Why?"

She was floored. That's it?

Emma shrugged lightly, feeling uncomfortable. "I don't know," she said, the pressure building. She felt her heart racing again and the lightheadedness take over. No, she told herself. Stay calm, damnit! You pathetic cow. Don't cry. Don't you dare have a panic attack. Not now.

"Em, you feeling okay?"

She felt herself going pale, her breathing irregular Stop it, she chanted as Manny felt her forehead, her eyes concerned as she glanced over her friend. Don't pass out. Don't pass out.

"Breathe, Em," she heard Manny say.

There was a ringing in her ears. The kind that blurred out the present and kept it at a comfortable distance. The kind that she remembered looking forward to when she first started dieting. It had meant she was doing well. It had meant she was losing weight. It had meant that for once, she was doing something right other than good grades and saving the environment.

Now it just meant she was a failure. She couldn't control herself, her emotions, her mind.

"Em, please."

She could feel Manny's cool hands on each side of her face as she tried to breathe. She faintly heard herself saying she was fine over and over, before her vision started dimming.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N -** I'm not so happy with this chapter. It's kind of.. blah and really short. But thank you guys for all the wonderful reviews. ;) You're so sweet! Tell me what you think of this chapter, if you liked it or not, or if you think I should change something or go in a different direction. I'd like to see your opinions.

--

"Are you okay?"

Emma felt herself nod as her vision began to clear with each deep breath, the pressure in her chest fading. Her entire face was flushed. She bent over the edge of her bed and breathed in deep, again, counting it out in her head. 

"One, two, breathe," Manny told her, a small hand against her back. "Hold it in."

"I'm fine," she said passively. 

"Sorry," her friend said, blushing.

Emma wasn't sure why she was apologizing, but didn't ask. "I'm surprised you remembered."

"Your doctor told us to do the breathing with you, in case you had another panic attack," she said, giving a quick shrug of her shoulders, as if it were no big deal. 

"But you remembered."

Manny smiled. "Yeah."

Emma sat back for a second, still feeling flushed. Manny moved her hand, then brushed her hair away from her face.

"I think you should go back to therapy."

Emma nodded, her throat constricted. That was the last thing she wanted. "Are you going to tell my mom?"

"No, unless you stop going to therapy," she said. "And I'll go with you, to make sure you're actually going this time."

"Fine."

She felt like she was going to cry as Manny put a hand on hers, squeezing it softly, trying to comfort her.

"If you want, you can go Sauvé instead. It's the same thing, right?"

"Yeah," Emma said, sighing. "I guess so."

"You know, just incase your doctor wants to call your mom or something. That way she won't find out."

Emma gave a small, quick smile. 

"I'm really glad you told me," Manny said, putting an arm around her shoulders. 

--

"Mom," Emma said as her mom hugged her tightly. Mr. Simpson smiled at the exchange, putting down their suitcases by the door, and nodded in Manny's direction.

"Did you girls have fun?" her mom asked. "What did you do? Are you feeling better? You're not still sick, are you?" 

Manny laughed as her friend blushed furiously. "Mom, I'm fine, I promise. We had a lot of fun. It was great." 

Her mom stared at her for a second, then kissed her forehead. 

"Where's Jack?" Snake asked, and Emma pointed toward the living room in response.

"He's watching some television show. I can't pull him away from it."

Snake laughed, then walked into the living room. She could faintly hear screams of "Daddy!", then heavy giggling. 

"How was your trip?" Emma asked.

"It was great," her mom said, still smiling. "I'll have to tell you about it later though, after school. When will you be home?"

Emma shrugged. "About four?"

"Actually," Manny started and Emma looked at her confused. "We have, uh, we're supposed to meet Liberty and Darcy after school to work on homework, remember?"

"Um, yeah, but we'll be home for dinner."

Her mom nodded. "Alright. You girls have a good day, okay?"

"Of course, Mrs. Nelson," Manny said, smiling sweetly as Emma grabbed her arm and pulled her downstairs. 

"What was that?" she asked, her face serious.

"You said you'd go to Sauvé. Why not start today?"


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: **Wow, it has been... forever since I posted. I just published another story on here for a different show, and even stated that I was stuck on this story. Well, inspiration struck and here we are. I actually like this chapter, so I hope you guys do, too. I'm not sure if I should end it yet. Probably not, but it will be soon. Or maybe they'll be more drama I can add. Tell me what you guys think.

--

Manny waited by the door, sitting Indian style on the floor, doing her homework. She was almost finished when Emma came out, frowning.

"Hey, how'd it go?" she asked.

Emma looked almost angry as she turned to her friend. "She wants me to start a meal plan, and she apparently wants you to make sure I eat lunch. How is that going to help me?"

Manny shrugged. "But don't you want to get better?"

Her friend sighed. "I guess."

Manny's face brightened as she stood up from where she was sitting, stuffing her papers in her backpack and grabbing her friend's hand. "Come on, let's get out of here."

Emma looked at her suspiciously. "Where are we go going?"

"Where do you want to go?"

"Home," she said. "I want to take a nap before I start on my homework."

Manny looked disappointed for a second. "Okay."

--

It was two weeks later when Manny found her friend in front of the mirror, her shirt lifted up slightly.

"Do you think I'm fat?"

Manny frowned. "No, you're skinny."

"Are you sure?" she asked, looking extremely worried.

"Emma, I promise I'll tell you when you start getting fat. But right now, you're not even anywhere close, okay?"

Emma frowned, still looking in the mirror. Manny grabbed her by the elbow, turning her away. "What's wrong?"

Emma's eyes turned glassy.

"I can't do it, Manny. They're making me fat. All of them. They're all against me."

Manny shook her head. "That's not what I asked. Sauvé told me that when you feel fat, it doesn't really mean you're fat. It means there's something bothering you, or you're upset about something. It's like a replacement system you use when you feel bad."

"I don't know what's wrong," Emma said, sighing as she sat down on the bed. Manny followed.

"Try," she urged. "What's bothering you?"

Emma thought for a second. "School, parents... these annoying thoughts in my head that won't go away, telling me I need to lose weight. It's like.. I can't stop. I feel like if I stop, then it was all for nothing. Why'd I do this just to stop now and get fat again?"

"Em, you were never fat," Manny said sadly.

"But I _feel _fat. I feel like a failure."

Manny shook her head. "There's other things you're good at. You make amazing grades. You're an amazing friend. Plus, the environment needs you. You're the only one at this school who knows how to protest."

Emma gave a short laugh. "I don't know what's wrong with me, Manny. I want something that I really care about, but I don't know what that is. I feel like I'm missing something. I want to get better, you have no idea. But I'm afraid that if I do, I'll have nothing else to hold on to, to take care of me."

Manny's eyes locked with her friends. "You have me."

The stayed silent for a moment, both staring. Emma moved closer then, not sure exactly what she was doing. Manny placed a hand on her leg and her other hand on Emma's shoulder, nervously.

Emma's breath caught in her throat as she leaned in. Her hands and vision were fuzzy. They felt like they were going numb. And her heart was beating wildly in her chest.

Their lips met quickly a few times, before they both pulled back.

"Uh, I don't know-" Emma started, confused. "I'm not really sure why... I did that."

"Me either," she replied honestly.

"I'm sorry."

Manny looked down, removing her hands away from Emma. "It's okay. I think we were both just... really confused?"

"I don't know, I guess."

"Like, maybe we're just lonely or something," Manny said as Emma nodded in response.

"Maybe-" Manny swallowed, clearing her throat. "We can try again."

Emma's jaw dropped. "What?"

"Only if you want to," Manny said quickly. "Like, just to see...or figure out why we did it in the first place- sorry, this is confusing."

"Okay," Emma said, feeling shaky.

Manny placed a hand on Emma's cheek as her eyes closed, moving forward until she found her friend's lips. They were soft and amazing and she didn't know why this felt so good. It shouldn't, right?

Manny pulled back, blushing. "Emma-"

"It's okay," she said, her voice almost a whisper as she grabbed the back of Manny's head and pressed her lips on hers in a heated rush, their lips moving together.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: **Wow, I've been writing a lot for this story since yesterday, so many many updates coming your way! The inspiration has come back. I really love the MEMMA relationship. Tell me what you guys think. And for the person who said I shouldn't put MEMMA together, well, that's kind of what this whole story is about.

Also, from now on, I might add in a lot of therapy sessions that Emma will be going through. A lot of the techniques and information is real. If you want more, go to my blog: www dot darkness-sway dot blogspot dot com. It's all about Depression and a lot of it is stuff I've learned in therapy, so please read and comment.

--

They lay side by side on her bed, both in thought.

"So, what? Does this mean we're-"

"No," Emma said quickly. "We're just friends... and a little something more, right?"

Manny nodded, smiling. "Yeah, we are."

"But are we going out or dating or what? This is so confusing," she said, the buzzing in her head growing.

"Em, calm down," Manny said, grabbing her friend's hand. "We don't have to label it or anything, and to be honest, I don't really want to. I don't think I can deal if we did."

"Okay," Emma said, nodding. "But you know me. I can't handle secret relationships. Did it once and look where I ended up. Manny, I can't handle another secret."

Manny looked at her, confused. "So, do you want to let everyone know?"

"No! I just- don't want it to be a secret relationship. Can't we just... not tell anyone, but not hide it either? And if it's not anything... real, then it's not a secret, right? Does that make any sense?"

Manny gave a short laugh. "Yeah, I know what you mean. Let's just... be ourselves, okay? Plus, this is all pretty new to me and confusing and weird and-"

"I get it," Emma said. "But you're right. Okay, we're just going to be." Emma breathed in deep, trying to calm herself.

"Feel better?"

Emma nodded. "Yeah, thanks. I just needed to talk it out."

"And we're done talking now?" she asked, smirking.

"Yeah, we are."

"Good, because as my friend... I really want to kiss you right now. Is that bad?" Manny asked, uncertainly. She just hoped Emma didn't think it was wrong.

"No, it's good... I think. Right?"

"Yeah, it's okay," she said, assuring both of them that what they were doing wasn't completely insane. She leaned in, kissing her quickly on the lips, smiling.

--

"Alright, Emma, I want you to try this technique, okay? Every time you're stressed," Sauvé said, handing her a piece of paper and pen. "It'll help."

"How?" she asked.

"Okay, say the paper is your box. Your box is your life... all of your issues and stressors go into it. Once you realize what they are and what kind of affect they have on you, you can begin to deal with them."

"Are you sure this is going to do anything for me?"

Sauvé smiled, nodding. "We'll say this is your homework for tonight. Bring it with you on Wednesday. You don't have to share with me what you wrote, but it might be good if you tried."

"Okay," she said, putting the paper and pen in her backpack and heading for the door.

"Thanks," she said. "I'll see you on Wednesday."

She closed the door after Sauvé said goodbye and smiled, seeing Manny's face lost in thought as she listened to her mp3. She came over beside her and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Oh hey," she said, pulling her earphones out. "How'd it go? Learn anything today?"

Emma rolled her eyes, but grinned. "You always ask," she stated. "But yeah, she's making me do this weird technique thing... I have to write down all my issues and stuff."

"Am I included on this list?" Manny asked, curious.

"No," Emma said as Manny frowned, but continued. "It's about issues that bug me, so you're definitely _not_ on the list."

"Good," Manny said, her frown vanishing. "Now come on, let's go home."

--

It was late when Emma's parents had gone to sleep and the girls had both finished their homework.

"You know, Paige isn't gay," Manny said, randomly. "But she dated Alex."

Emma smiled. "I know."

"And there's a lot of people who aren't gay, but they like their friends or something. I mean, isn't that normal sometimes?"

"Manny, it's okay," she said, grabbing her hand, her fingers intertwining with Manny's.

"I'm sorry," Manny said sheepishly. "I'm trying to convince myself this is alright."

"Well, if you're convinced, then so am I."

Manny brought up a hand to Emma's shoulder, letting it travel upwards until she caressed the skin just below her cheek, leaving behind little tingles.

"Is this okay?"

Emma nodded, wanting to say something but her voice was gone. Her throat felt tight and her heart was beating fast again.

Her eyes closed as she leaned in, waiting for Manny to meet her in a kiss. Instead, Manny's lips found the corner of her mouth and then her cheek and then her neck. Her mouth was everywhere, leaving behind a fiery trail.

"Manny, wait," Emma said. "I'm not used to this."

Manny blushed. "Sorry."

Emma wanted to tell her it was more than okay, but she found her lips instead as they deepened the kiss. Her hand found Manny's hip and her fingers played with the end of her shirt, lifting it slightly so that her fingertips found the skin underneath.

It was all territory they had both never seen or touched or even dared to go until now.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: **Sorry to everyone who probably thinks this is a new chapter. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, I'm not sure yet, it's not.

I've decided that the last chapter of Sick Inside will be the last, instead of continuing it. I think it kind of ends that portion of their life anyway. Emma is dealing with her Anorexia. Of course she hasn't recovered. It takes time. It also takes time to develop a relationship and their relationship has only just begun.

I have a few plot ideas in mind, but please review and tell me if you're interested in a sequel, all about their relationship (with maybe some mention of Anorexia, as it's still there, just in the background). I've got some drama in mind and some plot. I might even involve some more chacters in the mix.

Who knows... maybe Manny and Emma won't be together for long. :) Or maybe they'll work through it. Are they meant to be? You tell me. You want a sequel? Review. Any ideas for the story or is there anything you'd like to see happen? Review and tell me. I'm up for anything.

Remember, it's all up to you guys. Let me know soon, okay?

Thank you, guys, again, for reviewig. It has meant the world to me. I can't tell you all the times that I logged into my email and saw a review alert and it just.. made my day. This story was very special to me and I've very interested in continuing it.


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